A way of life

was speaking to friend of mine and realised this during the course of the conversation...

we are a generation that has learnt to drink to anything.... it starts with casual drinking hidden from family... goes on into the usual social drinking at parties... then hostel happens in between and drinks become a way of life, some graduate to a higher form ...some just drink their hearts out....

life goes on... we all move to different cities / parts of the world...Some continue studying...Some earning their daily bread or more than it... loneliness and drinks are a way of life...

monday to friday are job days ofcourse interspersed with the usual casual drink or two.... but friday and saturday nights we let ourselves loose... the parties ... the getting drunk ... some getting lucky... others getting into philosophical discussions... someone passes out... the lucky ones get carried back home... the normal calls to old friends... old sweet hearts... talking freely ...maybe without pretence... the pain of old relationships...( which i have now come to conclude; that people never get over them ... ever...)... complicating things and life just a wee bit more...

next morning not remembering what happened...the frantic phonecalls of the " what did i do last night" variety... looking at your phone call register... looking at the last 5 nos dialed... old / present crushes..friends...sweethearts...no recollection of the conversation...

thanking and appologising to people the next day...curing the hangover... back to the cocoon... the monday to friday...

this more or less sums up the way most of us live...

last time I was sober, man I felt bad
worst hangover that I ever had

Heavy Fuel: Dire Straits

The receptionist and me (I)

How many times must a man check-out before the receptionist kills him… no the answer is not blowing in the wind…it’s a lifestyle issue… overdue credit card payments… minimum withdrawals on debit cards… and “how can I be wrong” attitude

Reached mumbai on a Sunday night more like early hours of monday morning…checked in to the hotel…. Was supposed to be there till Friday …the week went on… we were there for a training course…in which they took us through every facet of the organisaton…. I mean they even took us through a module on security… alarm systems and the jazz (god help us ...to my surprise people actually had questions like… there things like coffee mugs and staple pins missing from the fifth floor… I mean give it up)

Evenings were the usual …running back to the hotel for the complimentary drinks … heading out for dinner… meeting friends… coming back to the hotel at wee hours… where the receptionist gives you the fake smile (more like … there he comes again)..

Decided to stay with a friend on Wed and Thursday.. so got back to the hotel from office… had some drinks… got a mild high… packed up… went down to the receptionist and no prizes for guessing who I met there…The Receptionist

Had this long talk with her on how they should charge me for half day as I am leaving at nine …and not staying the night…how my company gives them enough room nights…so it should not be a problem… was at my brattish best… even asked that since I would not be availing the airport drop…they should arrange to drop me at bandra… ( no I did not stop there also… maybe it was the drink).. I asked them to enroll me in their frequent guest programme as I was there a week before also… (Those who know me would admit that I am slightly vertically challenged … I mean not really but as they say “ Small man … big ego”##

What could the poor thing do… spoke to her boss but given my impenetrable pretence of fake aristocracy… she obliged to all the requests…
… the car was arranged
… my luggage ( actually one small stroller) was brought down for me
… the frequent guest number was provided
… and of –course the bill was prepared as per my desire ( 3 and a half days)

knowing that my credit card was used to the brim and overflowing on account of the due payments… I decided to pay through my good old debit card… the receptionist ( lets call her R from now)… so R courteously took my card and swiped it… it declined … she looked at me… I gave her back the fake aristocratic look coupled with scorn…she tried again .. so R said “ Sorry sir but your card is not accepting the payment”… ego took a beating … wham.. . more than that I knew the amount of money in my account…. So where did it go…( I ll let you in on a secret…I work for the same bank) …called the call centre who told me that I could only swipe twenty grand per day and there was not much they could do about it…I could probably swipe the remaining amount tom..

great … credit card overdue… debit card not good for the full amount.. 370 rupees and some coins in wallet…what does his highness do.. . looks around.. collects the shattered ego and the aristocratic pretence.. tells them to swipe the card for 20 grand and the remaining can be settled in the morning and drags himself sheepishly back to the elevator…

next morning gets up early and checks out silently and with a bit of dignity… R was having the last laugh..

but then someone up there was watching… as it turned out, the friend I was going to stay with had suddenly fled the city … so his highness wonders what to do…

well in the evening heads back to the hotel… looks at the reception.. for signs of R… she is not there yippee.. asks for a room.. the receptionist checks to see for availability… but what luck R spots me… “ oh hello Sir you are back…oh of course we can extend a room to you…” .. checks in again… and then checks out the next morning… needless to say R checks me out again ( pun intended)

…ego and aristocracy went to the spa… sat in the Jacuzzi… bubbling with the bubbles


## “ Devil wears Prada” or as a friend of mine says “ Devil wears Pardah”

Smirnoff and coke

Smirnoff with coke
The tie pin with the sparkling stone…
Hotel California scribbled on the tissue…
Master flirter
The entertainment worth sixteen grand…absolut vodka
The drinks in the car…and driving back in that state
(C) UP 34 D
Driving from hyderabad on my sisters wedding
The tractor
The bottle green tie
The honesty… the drunken talks…
… will miss you dude…


Dedicated to “cup”


You meet people daily in your life. Some part of work…some friends…some acquaintances …there are those who you meet and that’s about it…those that you connect with at some level …and they become a part of your life.

I don’t come across a lot of people with whom I connect …but those that I do, I usually stay connected…

Had met one such chap (using the word chap … coz that just describes him aptly…good’ol chap)…over drinks through a common friend… and it began from there… the usual guy bonding over drinks… talking of lifes experiences… exploits…or the lack of them… some things turn out common…some vague…but the feeling of brotherhood seeps in ... a bond that holds you

…as time passed by … (not realizing at that moment …that it was not on our side)

then he moved to Hyderabad… different city…we still stayed in touch…

[ a lot more happened with our good’ol chap in between… he got married…got divorced… the court cases…..things I am not dwelling on here… ]

met him on the 31 august… after a long time…sat down for a guys night out… our chap was low on life but had managed to pull it back together…

… next time I went to his house, we opened the door and saw a chair on the bed just below the fan…. They had removed him a day earlier… he had been like that for two days…

we collected and packed his stuff…

though we know what drove him to it… don’t know what pushed him over the edge… hate the people responsible for it … but at some level partly admit to the guilt coz we were there and yet not there…

“My brother's sane
His heart is so strong
He's killed some pain
To himself nearly did the same


It washed away
Into the cruel sea
Like everything that's built upon the sand

…

Flesh and blood
Flesh and blood

…

I'm just a man
My will is so strong
When I've got plans
I close my eyes to the pain” #


Later that evening two of us toasted to him by having his drink Smirnoff with coke… which I now call “the cup” ( UP 34 D was his cars name plate)

Incidentally the last I spoke to him was on 7th sep which I thought was his birthday when it was actually on 7th oct... life’s practical joke…

# Lyrics from “I’m Just a Man” by INXS

Calangute Beach, Goa, August 13th

Spent a nice afternoon playing fuzzy duck (getting drunk…needless to say) and eating muscles and authentic goan masala fish on calangute beach …played Frisbee against the wind more like a boomerang… and ended up taking a plunge in the waves…

Tired of the taste of the salty water and being thrown away by the waves came and sat with a friend of mine on the beach, while the others continued to play in the sea…

A while later we saw the coast guards gesturing to our friends to come out of the water… as we were bored waiting we thought let it be… but one by one the entire sea became empty … everybody came out of the water… and stood on the beach…

… slowly as rumour picked up… it seemed someone had drowned ( reaction 1: disbelief and a shrug… nah not possible)…as of all of us followed the direction of everyone’s gaze… we saw a lifeguard with his board move towards a guy struggling by the waves… (reaction 2: anxitey) … the lifeguard struggled and got the person back… the person seemed to be ok…

… by the time the rescue was happening, some people’s attention had moved to another black blob ( a human head) floating on the other side ( reaction 3: blankness and silence)… the lifeguard ran to the rescue… while this rescue was going on…some people spotted another head…

some of my friends ran to help carry the person whose body was rescued… (reaction 4: fear tending towards numbness)… then amidst confusion I remember two of us running to help carry a body… as we approached the people running with this body we saw the head moving up an down… I tried to carry one of the legs…and take it from one of the other helpers who was exhausted and shouting for help… could not as it was heavy… ended up supporting the head… (reaction 5: no reaction)… just remember holding the head… running for a few meters with it in my hand… all I could see was that the lips were blue and I kept trying to support the head.. (I am told later hat the eyes had turned over… I don’t remember..) all I remember was that innocent looking face with a youthful body…

a while later we put him on the beach…someone came forward to give him cpr… we were all praying in our own way… we saw his stomach move up and then some water coming out of his mouth… some hope… but after about 5 minutes of looking at the stomach mechanically move up and down and no sign of life … we started looking at the other directions where another head was spotted…

The whole thing looked completely surreal … none of us could believe what was happening… or more didn’t want to believe … but it was happening in front of our eyes … these are things one reads about… they cant happen to us… well it did..

Later that evening we found out that 4 people had drowned and two were critical in the hospital… we don’t know if the one we tried to help made it or not… hoping against hope that he did (I am told today that there were more people and so far none have made it…

… sitting on baga beach late in the night we were discussing that the 23 year old boy from del/lucknow would have had a few drinks and went out to chill in the sea... playfully battling the waves just to get that extra kick…

we were doing the same things.. it could have been one of us… I guess it probably hit us more coz he was our age.. same background…I get a shiver down my spine writing this…his face and body keep flashing in front of my eyes…

…more booze…. more trance…life for us carried on… but something had changed…

I could and probably should comment on the lack of infrastructure… but just read on the net that there was a strike of lifeguards…what more to say…

Social Structure: as stark as it gets

Was passing by Barakhamba Road in the evening, where we had stopped at a traffic light.

on my left i could see the brightly painted exteriors of Mother's Pride (the suave new ultra luxurious prep school {more like pampering school} for dellhi's toddlers).... just in front of it were some street children unbathed, scantily clad and barefoot begging at the crossing to feed themselves...

Vanity & Realism

Can optimism lead to vanity?

Is accepting life as it is, realism?

Wings

Found these incoherent lines in a diary written in 2001 or maybe 02, senseless in a way , deep in another…decided to call it “ Wings”…

""
The wings were meant to fly
See the clouds from the other side

Now all I do is run
Carry the burden of my unused wings
Sometimes creek like an old door
The sound piercing

The wings were meant to flap
Feel the air through their feathers
Create paths of their own
...mingle with the clouds

"
.
.
.
Its not even complete… but kinda liked it so put it here… Now I don’t even know if the “wings” are there… it just might be the vestige